BAXER: I think this, right now, is the start of a whole new life.
For all of us.
I put the money in the back of the car.
-They've come after us. -Who have?
Whoever that money belongs to.
Get in the car.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Who are you?
I'm the man whose money you took.
If we don't give him three million... Boom!
(SCREAMING) Hector.
We got 1 6 hours to find 1 1 4,000 euros.
-MAN: Look out! - (WOMAN GASPS)
Momento... Momento... Momento...
The money's rammed in her tight.
Three minutes. Jesus Christ!
-You cut that fine. -All the money is there.
Except... It is... It is 1 00 euros short.
A 1 00 euros short.
MACKENZIE: We'll all have an ice-cream and then we can decide
what we're going to do about it.
(SPITS)
MACKENZIE: Organically.
Worth paying a little extra, don't you think?
Any of you lot gardeners?
No.
Well.
You, come over here.
Oh, wash those toms and chop 'em up into little cubes for me, will you?
You.
Peel those potatoes and slice them as thin as you can, will you?
Preparation and timing.
That's all cooking is, really.
(MOUTHING)
-(VIBRATING) -Oi, you!
Warm that pan for me, will you?
I need to see that you can work together as a team.
That you understand preparation and that you understand timing.
(UTENSILS RATTLING)
What the fuck?
Can you cook, Quinn?
No? About time you learnt.
About time you all learned how to cook.
(SIGHS)
Pass.
Whose idea was it to take my money?
Well, it must have been one of you.
Not eating, Baxter?
Which one shot the copper then?
-None of us did. -Someone did.
It's me, I did.
Oh. I see.
No, you didn't, Quinn. He didn't. I did it.
-I did it. -Come on, guys. You know it was me.
(LAUGHS)
Get the fucking Sparta guy. I like it. You stick together.
That's going to help you.
All right then.
Where's the fifth Beatle? Come on, tell me.
Which one of you is boning Yoko?
He is.
Nice.
Can we just get this over with?
I mean, enough of this omelette shit.
What do you want from us?
-Is he always like that? -Whatever you're gonna do, just do it.
And if not, then please just let us go home.
Now, you raise an interesting question.
Um...
-Rick. -Rick.
You didn't do what I asked you to do.
-We gave you the money back. -You didn't do what I asked.
You messed up.
Now let's be clear about this.
I'm the one who was hard done by, not you.
So, now you have to put right what you so royally screwed up.
And if you do, I'll let you go.
Okay. What do you want us to do then?
-A favour. -What if we say no?
Do you really want me to answer that?
How do we know that you're going to let us go?
Well, that's it. You don't.
That's the beauty of me having the upper hand.
WOODY: What if we take our chances?
Try and get out of here and go to the police.
-Tell them everything. -Possibly, it could turn out all right.
You might find a cop that you could trust or you might not.
And that's your call, son, but once you start
telling them what happened, people who know me
will get to hear about it, and then...
It's only a matter of time.
Well, I'm not an idiot.
I'm hardly going to let you all walk out of here.
No, one of you is going to stay,
and if any of you try any heroics...
Bing-bong.
So, who wants to keep me company?
A volunteer.
Or do I have to choose?
Okay. I'll do it.
-I'll stay. -No, I don't want to be stuck with you.
Quinn, you'll stay.
Where the fuck are we?
When I was younger I used to walk that ridge
round the back of Alvo's all the time.
Smoke a spliff.
Take a lady up there, show her the view.
The senoritas.
They make the highs high and the lows more frequent.
If you've got as much money as you say you do,
why are you making us do this?
Don't you dare tell me how to run my business.
I don't come into your bedroom and tell you how to fuck your wife!
You think this is some kind of game?
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Take my money?
Bye-bye, adios, ta-ta for now.
We're all going back to Blighty, mate!
I didn't know it was your money.
Ah, well...
It isn't just about the money.
It's about status. It's about consequence.
So you're doing this to prove what?
To everyone that you can still get it up.
Is that it?
I tell you what.
Go on then, stick a bullet in me.
Because the truth is, I don't know that I give a shit.
You reckon that all this is just my Viagra?
That I'm addressing my erectile dysfunction?
Not a problem.
I'm not fucking Pele.
Is that what you really think?
Let me refer you to the answer I gave you a moment ago.
-I don't give a fuck, mate. -You're starting to irritate me now.
I should have plumped for that soppy blond twat, fuck it!
Five seconds.
Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow your fucking face off.
Well, that's just it.
I don't have one.
(CLICKS)
BAXER: Woody, what the hell are we doing?
WOODY: It doesn't matter, does it?
If we want to see Quinn again, we do it.
RICK: You know, if he'd let me be the hostage,
you know what I'd have wanted?
For you lot to make a break for it.
I'd have been pissed off if you hadn't.
BAXER: I'd have wanted you to pull this off and come back and get me.
WOODY: What are you trying to say?
You reckon Quinn would want us to do a runner?
Or are you saying that,
so we think that's what Quinn would want
-and we do a runner. -Christ.
Do you really think I'm that manipulative?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
WOODY: It's just gone 3: 30. Less than 1 2 hours till the drop.
We need to pick up the pace here, we're behind.
BAXER: All right, two miles east.
Says we're gonna find a small stone cabana.
RICK: What the fuck's a stone cabana?
BAXER: I think we'll know it when we see it.
Perversely, dead people are a major arse-ache to me.
My business runs better when people are alive.
And terrified.
What would you do if I was to walk out of here now?
I mean, you're hardly likely to plug me,
not surrounded by all these happy campers.
No, but your three mates wouldn't live to see the weekend.
RICK: How can our lives have changed so much in just a few days?
WOODY: It's just bad luck, boys, that's all it is.
RICK: No, you make your own luck.
BAXER: No, you don't. RICK: Well, I think you do.
BAXER: No. Life is all just luck.
But we're afraid to admit it
because we all want to be in control, don't we?
Luck of your genes.
Where you're born, when you're born, if you're born healthy or not.
Everything that happens to us is in one day, all of it,
is dictated by luck.
-So, all this is just unlucky. -Yeah.
Unless you want to believe that we're being punished by some power
greater than ourselves.
Now look, isn't luck a power greater than ourselves?
Yeah, you're right, mate. How unlucky is that?
BAXER: Hey, we need to pick up Carmen. It's left. Left!
-WOODY: We haven't got time, Bax. -Well, we can't leave her.
WOODY: Jesus! RICK: I don't believe this.
BAXER: I am not leaving her on her own, Rick.
If they pull this off, are you gonna let us go?
Or have you got some other little assignment?
Well, what if they don't manage it, what then?
Why did you whack Alvo?
Is there anything in your life that you value?
-A woman? A child? -He was no threat to you.
A pet?
Well, it was a bit fucking cowardly, wasn't it?
-What about an ambition? -You see, for all of his flaws,
underneath it, fundamentally, he was a good man.
-Travel, maybe. -Never hurt anyone.
Have you seen the pyramids?
He left us his villa because he feared for his life.
His first thought was to his friends. What he could do for us.
-Taj Mahal. The Grand Canyon. -Because that was Alvo.
Maybe that's why I see no value in life.
I wouldn't bother with Vegas, personally.
Because... Because Alvo's dead.
And you're fucking not.
(HORN HONKS)
WOODY: Bax! Get a move on.
I've been thinking about South America.
Right.
-When this is over, maybe... -WOODY: Baxter, oi!
Fucking hurry up will you, Bax!
(LAUGHS)
Yeah.
(UP-TEMPO ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(WHEEZING)
Be careful.
Gracias.
WOODY: Bax.
Let's go.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
(CAR STARTS)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, Carms.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
-Call as soon as it's done, okay? -Okay.
How we doing for time, Woods?
3 a.m. On target.
-Hey, move over, Bax. -Eh? I want to sit there, next to you.
-Why? -Oh, I don't like having me back
facing the way I'm going, it makes me feel dicky.
Come on, let's go.
Oh, shit.
-Shit. -Fucking hell, Rick!
Now what do I do? Pick them up or leave them?
Just sit there. We've got to move.
Jesus.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
-How long we got? -We got 45 minutes, come on.
WOODY: God damn it. RICK: Great. Hit the horn.
- (HONKING) -Come on!
Move it! Oi!
Come on, get out of the fucking the way.
-Get out of the way. -Sorry, man.
Jesus, we're never gonna get there like this.
Move it, mate.
WOODY: Ah, fuck off. BAXER: Back up, Woody, back up.
RICK: Where are you going?
BAXER: That's it, go left, go left.
-Right, come on, mate! -Move it!
(SIGHS)
If I was a betting man...
(KNOCKING)
Well.
I'm afraid that's your lot.
Look the fuck down there.
-All right, what we looking for? -A caravan, he said a caravan.
Fuck! Please!
Okay...
- (GUN COCKING) -Fuck!
BAXER: Where is he?
-Did you do it? -Yeah, where is he?
(WHISTLES) Hola!
(PANTING)
Hey. You all right, mate?
-Yeah? -Yeah.
What took you?
Come on.
Open it.
Five million.
Don't worry, I won't ask you to count it.
You said if we did this we could go home.
So is it all right if we go then?
Is this one of your batch?
Whoa! I'm tripping!
Whoa! (BANGS VAN)
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
(LAUGHING) Your faces!
Don't worry.
You just cut me 1 00,000 moody tabs.
-What? -Fakes.
Get as big a hit out of that as you would out of a Sherbet Dip Dab!
Hold on.
They gave us five million euros for 1 00,000 tabs of E.
I mean, that's 50 euros a tab. That can't be right.
Well done, you should be an accountant.
They thought they were buying high grade, pure MDMA.
Behave with enough confidence and people will buy anything.
If this was just to trick them with phoney gear,
then why the fuck did you have us schlepping over hill and dale
and doing all that cooking bollocks?
-Because I can. -WOODY: Because you can, yeah?
-Woody, just leave it. -Oh, stop whining!
It's much more interesting than your average holiday.
-All right, so what now? -Well, you can go. Obviously.
No, but I wouldn't hang around 'cause it won't take them long
to work out exactly what happened.
There's a freight ferry leaving for the mainland.
They'll be loading in about an hour. You'll find one of my trucks in bay 23,
get in the back, you get a free ride. Wake up in Barcelona.
-And you know where the port is? -Yes, thanks.
-No. -No!
Well, go down that road, turn left and carry on straight till you hit the port.
-Left, straight to the port. Great. -Yeah.
-Is it all right if we take the van? -Fuck off!
Tell you what though,
you can have that though, if you like. The money.
Let me leave you with this thought.
Happiness doesn't come from getting something you don't have,
it comes from recognising something you do have.
-Port's up here. -Hang on a minute.
-I've got to go back and get Carmen. -What?
-We ain't got time to go back into town. -No we do. I have to.
Call her from the mainland. You can arrange to meet her.
-No, I've got to go. -Baxter, you've got to leave her, mate.
Oh, come on, lads! I've got to go and get her.
We can't risk it! Come on!
Bax, let's go. Serious. Come on.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
The saddest thing of all is not to lose someone.
The saddest thing of all is when you find someone and then lose them.
(MELLOW BOSSA NOVA MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, Quinn, what you gonna do when you get to Barcelona?
You know, I think I might cross the Atlantic.
Yeah.
Yeah, go by sea.
Always fancied doing that.
-We'll see you again though, wont we? -Yeah! Yeah, yeah.
Once I get settled and everything, you know.
And obviously I want to come back to see the kids and things.
What about you, Woody?
Part of me reckons... I don't know.
Maybe I'll look for a new start.
What about Amy?
Don't feel the same any more.
I can't expect to be with her and not let her know what's happened.
-Yeah, you can. -No, I can't, Rick. I'm not like you.
I'm gonna hole up in Barcelona.
Get in touch with Carmen.
And wait till she comes across.
You think she'll come, Bax?
Yeah. Yeah, she'll come.
So, is it just me going back to England then?
Looks like it.
I don't wanna go on my own.
I don't really wanna go back at all.
I mean, I wanna see my kids, but...
Hey,
do you think we're, um, like millionaires now?
Hmm?
Fucking freaky guy, wasn't he?
You didn't spend the night in a fucking caravan with him, mate.
He'll get done sooner or later.
How do you know that, then?
Well, they always do, don't they?
I wasn't going to tell you this, but...
I made a call.
Customs and Excise.
I got his number, didn't I? So they can trace him.
There's one thing nobody can escape from,
don't matter how big a master criminal you are.
The VAT man.
Wait a minute, are you saying that you told the VAT man about him?
Yeah.
Just like Al Capone, innit? They caught him for tax in the end.
Yeah, but don't worry, I didn't mention any names or anything.
You don't think they're going to figure
out who fucking tipped 'em off, you idiot!
Yeah! And come after us.
Well no, he can't, can he?
Well, I didn't know he was going to let us go, did I?
Look, I thought we were all going to die!
-I mean, I was just trying to save us! -Rick!
I didn't know he was going to give us five million euros.
(HORN BLARING)
(TRUCK BACK-UP ALARM BEEPING)
(ALL GROANING)
WOODY: I suppose this must be it then.
WOMAN: Hello, gentlemen.
(GUNS COCKING)
Well done on bringing us the money.
Welcome to Morocco.